Five Years of Marriage

Typically, it is not my intent to use this blog for subjects that are more of a "personal" tone as opposed to theological, biblical, or ministerial subjects. In this case, however, the lines have overlapped.
In three days my wife and I will be celebrating five years of marriage. In those five years we have had some great times together and some very, very difficult times as well. So, what keeps it all together?
Well, contrary to what I heard someone say marriage was defined by in the last six months or so (that marriage is merely a covenant NOT based on love because love is a fleeting emotion, as I understood them to say), it IS love. I, however, am not talking about the kind of "love" that is fleeting because that is not truly love; infatuation, obsession, "the warm fuzzies," whatever you call it, if it's fleeting, IT'S NOT LOVE!!!! In biblical terms, yes, marriage is based on a covenant between two people. But that covenant is not merely a formal, legal covenant; if it were, that would legitimize the mindset that is already prevalent in our culture and our churches: "If it doesn't work out, we'll just dissolve it and move on." Such a mind set is couched in legal, rather than, truly, covenantal terms. A true covenant is a commitment to love (the Old Testament provides a consistent picture that covenants are based on love as God's covenant with his people is based on love; see the following: Deut. 7:9, 12; 1 Kings 8:23; 2 Chron. 6:14; Neh. 1:5; Daniel 9:4).
Again, biblically defined, love is setting aside one's own interest and elevating the greatest need (not want) of the person which you are loving (NOTE: in referencing "greatest need" I am not talking about "love languages" or purely "emotional needs" as the greatest need). I am talking about having to make hard decisions, particularly as a husband, that can cause great pain in the lives of family members and are, at the same time, what is absolutely best for the present and future. I am talking about agape in the daily life of our marriages. To see what "agape" looks like in attitude and action, see I Corinthians 13 or ponder the what Ephesians 5:25 and following says regarding Husbands loving their wives as "Christ loved the church." If we fail in any respect to love our wives as Christ loved the church, we are taking for granted the Gospel and the blessing God has given us in our wives (prov. 18:22).
I must admit that I cannot claim to have, in any manner, lived up to all that I am proposing above nor that I have even gotten close. I have spent many days being rife with guilt over the realization that I am woefully self-centered. Nonetheless, I must aim for what I know to be true, as we all should, for God's glory and the love of our wives and sons and daughters.